Reflections
Acting on what we know: prevention, post-separation risk and the responsibility to respond
Dr Tessa Boyd-Caine, ANROWS CEO
Estimated read time: 8 minutes
The murder of Lilie James was devastating. For her family, friends and community, the loss is immeasurable. The NSW Coroner’s findings into her death, delivered in November last year, make clear that this tragedy was not random or unforeseeable. They set out patterns of behaviour that are well-established in the evidence on intimate partner violence, and they call for action to prevent further harm.
One of the clearest findings is this: risk does not end when a relationship ends. In fact, separation is often a time of heightened danger. Post-separation abuse can escalate quickly, including through coercive control and technology-facilitated harassment.
In the few short months following the findings, public discussion has focused on how we better equip young people, particularly boys and young men, with the skills to cope with rejection, entitlement and emotional distress without causing harm. Recent reporting by Wendy Tuohy in The Sydney Morning Herald, alongside commentary from researchers, prevention practitioners and women’s safety leaders, reflects a strong consensus across the sector.
The question now is not whether we know what to do, but whether we will act on what we already know.
When relationships end, risk can escalate
The coroner found that coercively controlling behaviours were present in the lead-up to Lilie James’ murder, including digital surveillance and location-tracking after she attempted to end the relationship. These behaviours were not widely recognised as abusive by peers, despite being clear indicators of escalation.
This aligns with decades of research showing that separation, jealousy and perceived loss of control are common precursors to lethal violence. It also reflects a persistent gap between what the evidence tells us and what is recognised in everyday settings by peers, workplaces, schools and institutions.
For young people, these risks can be compounded by digital environments where monitoring, constant contact and location-sharing are often normalised. Behaviours framed as care or concern can quickly cross into control. When these warning signs are missed or minimised, opportunities for early intervention are lost.
Education without support leaves gaps in safety
Many of the expert voices responding to the coroner’s findings have rightly emphasised the role of respectful relationships education. Education that addresses entitlement, emotional regulation and the impacts of coercive and controlling behaviour is an essential part of prevention.
“There is an urgent need for education so young people understand the real risks of coercive and controlling behaviours, including technology-facilitated abuse like location-tracking and digital-monitoring.” – Delia Donovan, DVNSW, Young men need education to cope with rejection to keep women safe: DV experts, SMH
But education alone is not sufficient.
ANROWS-commissioned research led by Emeritus Professor Helen Cahill has shown that respectful relationships education in secondary schools can reduce bullying and sexualised bullying, and support students to develop empathy, social capability and respectful regard for others. When taught as intended, students show stronger capacity to understand the rights of others and to engage more thoughtfully in their relationships.
The same research also found that many teachers were not able to deliver programs with fidelity. Barriers cut across the entire education ecosystem: community resistance, curriculum crowding, limited training, staffing pressures and uncertainty about how to handle sensitive content and disclosures. Where educators lacked support, the program’s impact was diminished.
This matters because curriculum content without disclosure support risks shifting responsibility back onto young people or leaving staff to navigate high-risk situations without the guidance, confidence or pathways they need.
If we raise awareness of harm without strengthening the safety net around young people, we risk increasing disclosure without increasing safety.
Effective prevention therefore requires pairing curriculum change with training, practice guidance, clear referral pathways and evaluation. Schools need to be resourced not only to teach, but to respond.
Technology-facilitated abuse is not peripheral to this conversation
The use of digital tools to monitor, track and control is now a common feature of coercive control. Location-sharing, surveillance and pressure to maintain constant contact are increasingly embedded in the platforms young people use every day.
Last year, ANROWS reflected on emerging data showing that young people were already naming and experiencing these behaviours in their friendships, often long before they appeared in intimate partnerships. Many described being pressured to share their location, punished for setting boundaries or subjected to monitoring framed as care.
This highlighted an important warning: recognition of harm is only the first step. When young people identify something as wrong, the responsibility to respond does not sit with them alone. It sits with the systems around them (education, services, policy and legislation) to take those signals seriously and to intervene early.
“The problematic behaviours identified in [the Lilie James] inquest – entitlement, digital surveillance, retaliation after rejection – are unfortunately not rare.” – Matt Tyler, Jesuit Social Services Men’s Project, Young men need education to cope with rejection to keep women safe: DV experts, SMH
The coroner’s findings reinforce this point. Technology-facilitated abuse should not be treated as incidental or secondary. It is often central to how coercive control operates and escalates, particularly after separation.
What the sector is telling us
Researchers, educators, prevention specialists and women’s safety organisations have pointed to the same core issues in their responses to the coroner’s findings:
- the need to address entitlement and harmful norms among boys and young men
- the importance of education that extends beyond early adolescence
- the risks of normalising digital surveillance and control
- the urgency of acting on coronial recommendations, not simply acknowledging them
As Lilie’s mother, Peta James, said in her statement to the coroner, “We must teach boys to respect and value women’s opinions and choices, and to accept rejection.” The coroner expressed the hope that this message, and the lessons from this tragedy, would echo beyond the courtroom and contribute to meaningful change.
Honouring that hope requires more than agreement. It requires implementation.
Media contact:
Emmagness Ruzvidzo,
Media and Communications Manager, ANROWS
E: Emmagness.Ruzvidzo@anrows.org.au
M: 0468 322 800
About ANROWS
Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety (ANROWS) was established by the Commonwealth, state and territory governments under Australia’s first National Plan to Reduce Violence against Women and their Children (2010–2022). As an ongoing partner to the National Plan, ANROWS continues to build, strengthen and translate the evidence base that informs the current National Plan to End Violence against Women and Children (2022–2032).
With more than 150 research projects led, commissioned or contributed to, ANROWS delivers targeted evidence to inform practice, policy, and systems reform. We engage closely with victim-survivors, communities, service providers, governments and researchers to ensure our work reflects lived experience and supports collective action.
ANROWS is a not-for-profit company jointly funded by the Commonwealth and all state and territory governments. We are a registered harm prevention charity and deductible gift recipient, governed by the Australian Charities and Not-for-profits Commission (ACNC).