Children & young people

Coercive control, gaslighting and the digital lives of young people: what we need to hear

4 SEPTEMBER 2025

Estimated read time: 8 minutes

 

New data shared exclusively with Triple J Hack by Kids Helpline reveals that over 1,000 young people contacted the service between January 2024 and July 2025 describing coercive control-type behaviours in their peer relationships. Many of these involved close friendships, not romantic relationships, suggesting an important shift in how young people are identifying and naming harm.

At ANROWS, this new data prompted us to reflect on the patterns being surfaced, particularly in digital spaces, and what they mean for prevention, safety and education.

This blog responds to the Hack article by journalist Shalailah Medhora and draws on national research, including the National Community Attitudes towards Violence against Women Survey (NCAS), which shows promising signs that young people’s rejection of violence against women is increasing. This reflects a growing cultural shift: young people are not only recognising harmful behaviours, they’re also more willing to name and challenge them.

Recognising harm is a powerful first step, and one that must be supported with the right systems, tools and responses.

 

What young people are telling us

This growing recognition of abuse in non-romantic relationships is significant. For some, it’s about being tracked by friends through Snap Maps. For others, it’s the emotional toll of being isolated, manipulated, or punished for setting boundaries. These are patterns of harm with lasting impacts.

The most important takeaway from this article by Shalailah is that young people are recognising harm. They’re using terms like gaslighting and coercive control to name when something doesn’t feel right. That tells us they are paying attention to their own experiences and reaching out for help.

While some of the behaviours described may not align with definitions of coercive control as used in adult relationships and families, the harm is real.

As Dr Tessa Boyd-Caine, CEO of ANROWS noted:

“Young people have described being tracked by friends, pressured to share locations, and punished for not responding to messages. These patterns were shared in the Hack feature and mirror what we’ve seen in broader research: that control is often disguised as care, and digital closeness can quickly cross into coercion. When young people say something feels wrong, we should take that seriously.”

 

What is coercive control?

Coercive control refers to a sustained pattern of abuse intended to restrict a victim-survivor’s freedom. These behaviours are often tailored and don’t always look like ‘abuse’ from the outside. That’s why it’s critical we look beyond incidents to understand the patterns of behaviour.

While the term coercive control has its origins in adult intimate partner violence discourse, young people are now using it to describe harmful dynamics in their friendships and peer networks.

Young people in the Kids Helpline data described being isolated from their friends, having their movements controlled, being tracked online, and experiencing verbal abuse.

 

Technology: tool or trap?

As eSafety Commissioner Julie Inman-Grant told Hack, many location-sharing and surveillance features are now “baked in” to the platforms young people use every day. The availability of these features, along with the normalisation of their use by parents, peers, and partners, can create an environment where tech-based abuse is harder to identify.

This mirrors findings from Dr Hayley Boxall’s research, which noted that young people are more likely than older age groups to see tech-stalking and monitoring as acceptable. That normalisation can begin at home.

Children who grow up in a home where a parent, most often their father, is using coercive control, may be more likely to use these behaviours themselves. Others might be especially attuned to notice and resist red flags because they’ve lived through this behaviour before.

Surveillance between parents and children, even when well-intentioned, can also shape what young people believe is acceptable in friendships and future relationships. Research shows that some young people justify monitoring behaviours if they think someone’s been unfaithful, or because it’s framed as care.

As Dr Boyd-Caine explained: “Young people are always watching. The way adults use technology is important as it influences future behaviour.”

 

Is it gendered?

Most of the contacts to Kids Helpline were from girls and young women. Research shows that girls are more likely to recognise tech-facilitated abuse as harmful, and more likely to feel its effects as invasive and inescapable.

That doesn’t mean boys and young men don’t experience harm. However, it does highlight an opportunity to build awareness and empathy for boys who may not fully comprehend the impacts of tech-facilitated control because they are less likely to be subjected it.

 

So what do we do?

We can’t put the burden of safety solely on young people. As Professor Leah Bromfield warned in her evidence to the SA Royal Commission into DFSV, overregulating children without holding tech companies accountable is like telling women not to walk alone at night. We need to make the virtual world safer by design.

When young people name harmful patterns, we have a responsibility to respond.

That response should include:

• Respectful relationships education that speaks to peer relationships, not just romantic ones
• Digital literacy that helps young people navigate their online lives safely
• Services that understand tech-facilitated abuse and are equipped to support children and young people
• A regulatory system that holds tech platforms accountable for safety by design

 

ANROWS’ role

Our research shows that children and young people don’t always have access to tailored services that address their needs, and that their experiences of violence can often go unaddressed. We also know that early patterns of harm can lead to future risks. We need to recognise harm early and building systems that respond.

If we want to prevent harm, we need to listen to young people now. The words they’re using, like coercive control and gaslighting, aren’t overreactions. They’re indicators of current and future harm that deserves a response.

“These are not just buzzwords. When young people use terms like coercive control and gaslighting, they’re telling us what they’re experiencing. We owe it to them to listen.”

— Dr Tessa Boyd-Caine

This blog was written in response to the feature published by Triple J Hack journalist Shalailah Medhora on 26 August 2025, which explored how coercive control is showing up in peer relationships, especially among teenagers. Read the full article here.

 

 

For further information please contact:

Emmagness Ruzvidzo (ANROWS)

M: 0468 322 800 | E: [email protected]

 

About ANROWS

Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety (ANROWS) was established by the Commonwealth, state and territory governments under Australia’s first National Plan to Reduce Violence against Women and their Children (2010–2022). As an ongoing partner to the National Plan, ANROWS continues to build, strengthen and translate the evidence base that informs the current National Plan to End Violence against Women and Children (2022–2032).

With more than 150 research projects led, commissioned or contributed to, ANROWS delivers targeted evidence to inform practice, policy, and systems reform. We engage closely with victim-survivors, communities, service providers, governments and researchers to ensure our work reflects lived experience and supports collective action.

ANROWS is a not-for-profit company jointly funded by the Commonwealth and all state and territory governments. We are a registered harm prevention charity and deductible gift recipient, governed by the Australian Charities and Not-for-profits Commission (ACNC).